ANDREW’S AX

A big thank you to ACCJ members for reading and to the Journal for inviting me to contribute part two of this three-part series based on the newsletter I’ve been sending to friends and clients over the years.

STROKES TO THE FINISH LINE

Last month, we took swings at the Lost Art of Listening and shared both good and bad examples of three “listening levels” offered by author Madelyn Burley-Allen. There are serious gains to be made by improving your team’s listening skills.

But many business leaders here in Japan often face the opposite issue. Their staff listens–or at least appears to listen–and sits quietly on the sidelines. Whether at an internal meeting, visiting a client or prospect, or dialing into a tele- or video-conference, the “contribution from Tokyo” often falls short of typical western expectations.

THE WRONG KIND OF BLOCKING

A lot of us who follow the NFL know that blocking is a key part of any strong offense. Good blocking wins championships. But another kind of block can prevent proactive contributions at meetings. These blocks can be personal or cultural, as anyone who has lived in Japan will attest. You may have concluded that most Japanese do not want to contribute proactively or assertively to discussions. But over the years here, I’ve discovered that what many perceive as a cultural barrier is in reality a lack of meeting management skill–and it’s lacking on both the Japanese and their western colleagues’ side of the table, phone or screen.

Ask a group of people from anywhere in the world (as I have more than 100 times): “What’s the impression of someone who attends a meeting and doesn’t say anything?” You’ll receive a variety of answers: “The person doesn’t understand the topic.” “Not interested.” “Unprepared.” “Sleepy.” Usually it takes more than 10 of these answers before even one is considered “positive” and that’s likely to be something like, “He really wants to know others’ opinions.” The overwhelming majority of impressions of someone who does not speak up at a meeting, throughout the world and including Japan, is negative. So what’s going on? Why are your people not voicing their opinions?

Digging deeper, we find that the real reasons that someone doesn’t speak up in a meeting generally boil down to two:either they fear looking foolish by saying something that isn’t brilliant, or they don’t want to appear rude by interrupting. So they wait patiently and their “turn” never comes. Or when it does, the topic has changed. We disarm both of those potentially legitimate concerns below.

A BIG ISSUE HELPED BY AN ANALOGY: “STROKE!”

This non-contribution is actually a big issue. You want your team to proactively contribute to meetings and discussions, especially if your team is “on stage” with global or regional headquarters. So let a simple analogy help. “Imagine,” you can say, “that this meeting table (or wherever we’re gathered) is a actually a boat and we’re engaged in the sport of rowing (sometimes known as ‘crew’). We’re in a race. Our objective is the finish line. That objective must be clear, whether it’s to generate a new marketing idea, reduce turnover or decide on an off-site location for the team retreat.”

“We’re all in the same boat, as the saying goes. We all want to achieve the objective. You’re here because you’re capable. We’ve all got an oar in our hands. Now, if you’re in this boat, there are three things you can do: 1) sit there and do nothing. That’s where the term ‘dead weight’ comes from; 2) put your oar in the water and stroke—that’s helping us get to the finish line; or 3) push backwards–that’s interrupting, saying too much or being negative. Whatever propels us toward the goal is good; whatever holds us back or takes us off course is bad.”

THREE STROKES TOWARD THE GOAL

People “get” this analogy and yet they still don’t know what to do. “How can I contribute? I don’t have anything brilliant to say.” First, point out that not everything they, their boss or anyone else says is always (if ever) brilliant. It’s enough to be coherent. Once your people confirm that it isn’t merely the brilliant who speak up, they’ll be more likely to give it a shot. Still, you may hear, “OK, but I don’t want to interrupt.” And they’re right. Interrupting someone is rude.

So teach your staff (and yourself, if necessary!) to interject , to add value, to push forward, etc. This is more than a semantic difference. An interruption cuts someone off; it literally stops their (and thus the boat’s) flow. An interjection, on the other hand, contributes to the goal.

1) COMPLIMENTS

The first interjection, and one of the easiest, is to state the current speaker’s name and add a sincere compliment, “Joe, that’s a great point.” No one (not even a blowhard who loves the sound of his own voice) will take offense to a sincere compliment. And that compliment gives you the floor, from which you can use up to 30 seconds to add value with your point.

The compliment is not rude, and it’s not a trick. After you present your point, if you feel Joe was really onto something, prove you were listening by reminding him (and everyone else) what he was saying and ask him to continue or elaborate.

All of us seek validation. We like to know that our ideas merit consideration. That’s why compliments work so well. Studies at Harvard and Northwestern universities show that even insincere flattery works, in that flattery generates unconscious positive feelings from the “flatteree” toward the “flatterer.”

Good feelings means the person will feel more engaged, and pull harder on his oars to get toward that finish line. Be careful with the flattery, though, since other colleagues in the room or across the screen may see it as an attempt to ingratiate yourself rather than encouraging a positive meeting outcome. So be sincere. Another meaning of “stroke” is compliment, and complimenting someone sincerely can be one of the best strokes you use to power your meeting toward the finish line.

2) QUESTIONS

Many of your staff may not want to break in with a compliment to someone senior. That’s OK. There are plenty of other options, the most common-sense one being, “Ask a question.”

A lot of fakery goes on in meetings–people pretending to know what others are talking about when really they have no clue. Far better to ask a question early on, even something as simple as, “Can you clarify what you meant by…”

Now, if the speaker is a candidate for “On-and-on Anon,” again you can jump in by first stating his or her name. We all hear our name above the buzz of a crowded restaurant or airport (“Mr. Smith, please pick up the white courtesy telephone…”) and we even hear it above the buzz or our own voice.

Asking a good question shows you’re paying attention, you want to know more, and you are “present.”

3) VALIDATION

At a minimum, your staff needs to know that encouraging words and accepting others’ contributions can go a long way toward helping you achieve your meetings’ goals. Many of your staff are not aware of this.

When Tanaka-san steps up to paraphrase what Denise has said, thus clarifying understanding for herself and others, Denise needs to know the proper response. A quick, “Exactly right, Tanaka-san.” Or, “That’s it!” or even, “Yes!” will do. Silence, on the other hand, leaves most everyone feeling awkward. If, after validating, you want to elaborate or clarify, go ahead.

BREVITY: EVERY MEETING’S FRIEND

In a business meeting, remember your best friend “Brevity.” Author Milo O. Frank wrote How to Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less. If you are or have a chatterbox on your team, pick up a copy of Mr. Frank’s book. Imagine that when you begin to speak, a stoplight has switched from red to green. After 20 seconds or so, it’s yellow. At 30 seconds, red.

STAYING THE COURSE

Now that you’ve reviewed a few ways to keep a meeting moving toward its goal, note ways people hinder progress. First on the agenda: “But.” When someone says “but,” they are negating the previous person’s point of view. They are changing course or stopping the boat dead in the water. Change “but” to “and” (especially change “Yes, but” to “Yes, and”) and watch what happens. In Japan, it’s even more common to say, demo as it is for native speakers of English to say, “but….” We’ve held meetings where the only variable was to ask people to preface what they wanted to say with “but” vs. “and” and the results surprised even me. And that was after I’d been using “and” in place of “but” for a couple of years.

Every time we introduce this concept, invariably someone will say, “Yes, but what if I disagree?” First, point out that they could have said, “Yes, and what if I disagree?” And my answer is simple: by saying “Yes, and…” you are acknowledging the person and their desire to reach the same goal you seek–the finish line. Then you add your idea, which may differ from theirs, and you can seek areas of agreement or compromise and keep the boat going toward the goal. Interrupting, cutting someone off or saying, “Yes, but your idea won’t work because…” will usually lead to one thing: fewer contributions from the person who was cut off. If that’s what you want, perhaps that person should not have been invited to the meeting.

Every good meeting is an exercise in rowing. Set everyone’s sight on the goal, put the oars in the water, and STROKE!